Thoughts, After a Beautiful Weekend

This last weekend was incredible!

On Thursday I was able to be a part of the annual "Ladies Salad Supper". I got to head the decoration committee--and the ladies, and guys, who came to help set up from lunch to 3pm that day did a great job! We got it all done, so that we had a little time in between to get ready for the evening's event. For those of you who don't know what Salad Supper is...this is a time when Level 1 ladies honor the Level 2 ladies who are graduating. We also honor those who had their hands in helping the year go smoothly. It's a really neat tradiation, and it is a wonderful time of fellowship and of "giving honor to whom honor's due."

On Friday, I had class with Gerald Paden (Letters of John). Then I went home for a bit, took a pette nap... then called Dawna Gilbert, and asked her about helping her set up for the Senior Dinner (for the graduates) that evening. We concluded that she would be at LCU's Baker Center around 3:30...so that's what we did. That evening was wonderful. The graduates got "pinned" with their SIBI pins, and Charles Speer spoke over being "Blessed to Serve" (which we truly are!). I got to sit at Dennis and Sharon's table, and everyone was together...over 230 people joined us there...which was awesome!

Saturday morning was the anticipated day of Graduation for the 2008 Sunset Class! I was so excited, and (of course) so were they. I walked in "on time" and found them all lined up in the west enterence, waiting to walk in. Dennis waved for me to come over, gave me a hug, and told me to pray for him because he was nervous. I smiled and told him I already have, and would. I got to hug several others, take bibles and purses from others, and went to find my seat to sit down. I took lots of pictures, which are now on Facebook! :) It was neat to see them walk across the stage, knowing that they were about to head out from this place to "Preach the Word" and continue to live their life for Christ... but, like never before.

God was in all of today...

...I know that sounds somewhat cliche, but it was true!

I started off my week (yesterday, Sunday) going to worship with the congregation at Sunset. I sat with my "parents", Dennis and Sharon Welch and listened to Jay Jarboe give a wonderful lesson on "Generations". His son, Ryan, spoke with him (they tag-teamed it)...he's just graduated high school. After that was class, and "Papa" (Dennis) spoke over the books of Jonah and Nahum. Very good class. After that, I took lunch to the Palmer's house. They just graduated with the 2008 Class...and are headed (now) back to Washington State to work with the congregations up there. But yesterday (after we ate lunch) we packed up the stuff in their house (Dennis and Sharon were there by that time), and then packed the truck so they could leave today. We went to dinner with them, their kids, and their parents.

Now we're at today...the wonderful day!
We moved around some furniture--Gibby Gilbert came to help us and brought us our new kitchen table. After cleaning up some, I went to Walmart...to get stuff for our dinner this evening...with Gerald and Bobbie Paden! :) We also invited Geoff Banks from level one. It was neat to have us all together in one place. We had a good time together!

So, that was my day! Now I have to go study for a test tomorrow, given by Doyle Gilliam... over Philippians. Finals this week! Pray for me.

Emo Day, Emo Emotions...

I've decided to write a blog of MUCH expression and inner emotion...

...Now, this blog is not directed to any person, and I don't want anyone to take offense to it (whomever may read this and think I could be directing this to them...I'm NOT)...

...I just need to share some thoughts and some feelings!


I'm so mad and frustrated right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No...I'm not a little mad, the kind of mad that you can just get over with a few deep breaths or a cup of "quiet time" tea and a bath! Oh, no...this is the kind of mad that makes all the muscles in your body from the waist upward tense from more stress than you can contain! The kind of frustration that makes one consider putting their fist through a window, or eat a whole chocolate cake in one sitting (maybe that last one is depression..lol)!!!

The reason why I'm so angry and frustrated....

...I don't know what some people want from me! I just feel like throwing myself off a 2 story building some days! How can I be what is asked of me??? How can I compare to someone who's kept in a mind??? I just want to be me, ok!? I want to live life, I want to share it with people, i want to feel like I can direct my life under God without condemnation...and I'm feeling really condemned right now...and JUDGED!!! Nearly for no reason! At least I can't see why I'm put in this little box you try to fit me into!! It poses so many crazy questions in my head, and makes me doubt who I am...that I am even worth anything! My self-esteem goes out the window, and I feel like giving up who I am to be who you want me to be! But, if I were to do that...would you really get what you want??? Or do you think maybe I wouldn't be who you want me to be anyway??? If I gave up myself, what good do you think it would do??? I can't see it doing any good anymore...I just want to be who Jesus has called me to be, who I am happy becoming in Him, from what I see the Bible calling me to be! That's all I want. Is that too hard to ask of anyone!? I feel like it's the biggest request on earth to you!!!

That's all I have to say.

Thanks for reading.... (I know it doesn't make much sense, but that's ok).

Rescue Me

This song represents much of my heart right now... the struggle to survive with what I have, the struggle to let God be what I need...to let Him heal me. Because, to be honest...I've tried for a long time to do it on my own...and that doesn't work so well. Because, just like a vine away from the branch--I die without Him!

Rescue Me--by: Krystal Meyers

Swallowing this hurt

Making it lie down

I'm my strongest ally,

living life as I know how

I'm carrying the weight of a world that sold me out

I'm running with my eyes closed

Hoping you don't see this doubt

I'm lost for words

I'm at a loss to tell you what I need

I know there's something moreGod,

help me to believe

[Chorus:]

And all this time

I thought the fight

The fight was only mine

I need to let you rescue me

I'm taking fire

I'm feeling tired

I'm tired of this fight

I need to let you rescue me

I let it go to breathe

I can't take it anymore

I refuse to wake up one more time bleeding on the floor

I won't let myself hold back
I'll surrender what's inside

You become my healing tourniquet

So I can feel alive

I feel so exposed

I'm afraid to lose total control

With nothing left to hold

You reach for me and wouldn't let me go

[Chorus:] [2x]

And all this time

I thought the fight

The fight was only mine

I need to let you rescue me

I'm taking fire

I'm feeling tired

I'm tired of this fight

I need to let you rescue me

Because...just because...

So, someone told me that I needed to write a new blog...so that he could read it. I agreed, so here I am writing a blog about whatever comes to mind!!! I have nothing particular that I feel "compelled" to write about...but I'm sure I can come up with something, because I'm pretty good about writing about nothing. LOL!!!

I've been having better days! God has really been blessing me with peace of heart, and with a stable mindset in a lot of areas of my life. I reconnected with a family member whom I felt was lost to me. I have lost a grandma I loved, but have the security of knowing that she is safe in the arms of the Lord and that I will see her again. I am in a relationship with a boy who loves me, and who is dedicated to serving the Lord! I love where I am, here in Lubbock, at SIBI, learning about how to love God with deeper passion. I have a whole mess of people around me whom care about my well-being, and who push me to grow in myself! I have been seeing a counselor here, and I am learning more about how I deal with things...been able to put some names to actions, and that has freed me a ton! I'm in a better place, dealing with depression....I have ups and downs, some days better than others...but I think right now I am ok. I've been trying to confront areas in my heart that are more concentrated by "heavy clouds"...not focusing all my time on them, but certainly not being afraid to be honest when those things arise. God has been blessing me in confronting what I need to, and giving me the grace that I need for myself.

This month of May is going to be a full one...I can already see that, and we're only 3 days into it! I went yesterday and applied at a couple places for jobs in retail. I've applied at New York 'n Company & JCPenneys in Lubbock. So, we'll see what happens. I will try again next week, looking for places, if I don't get any hits. :) It would be nice to have a job for the summer. I would enjoy working to earn some money of my own. I appreciate my supporters SO MUCH, and without them I wouldn't be where I am today! But I also know that there will be things that'll come up in the near future which I might need a little extra money for...so, it would be nice if I could pay for those things myself. I love being able to do that.

May will also bring with it...SIBI Graduation for the 2008 Class. I have come to know and love so many of these people, so my heart is saddened at the thought that they won't be here anymore. But, I'm overjoyed for them...as they will be leaving for different ministries, countries, and works that the Lord has already prepared in advance for them! That's what this school is all about anyway-- training workers for the Kingdom. The Message is not for us alone...we are told to share it, and that's just what this class is about to go out and do! How exciting is that!?

The sun has been out in force lately...Lubbock has been bright and beautiful. The green of this place is coming back, which is encouraging. I have really felt better with that being the case, and I'm very thankful to the Lord for the good weather we've had. Although, this whole area could use the rain...and plenty of it. So, we're all praying, *Send your rain, Lord!!!*

That's all for now, from me. I feel like I have run out of thoughts, or rather, things to share. But, I hope whoever reads this enjoys the random tidbits of my mind. :)

Love you all lots!!! Miss you, too (even if it's only been a couple days)!!!