Emo Day, Emo Emotions...

I've decided to write a blog of MUCH expression and inner emotion...

...Now, this blog is not directed to any person, and I don't want anyone to take offense to it (whomever may read this and think I could be directing this to them...I'm NOT)...

...I just need to share some thoughts and some feelings!


I'm so mad and frustrated right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No...I'm not a little mad, the kind of mad that you can just get over with a few deep breaths or a cup of "quiet time" tea and a bath! Oh, no...this is the kind of mad that makes all the muscles in your body from the waist upward tense from more stress than you can contain! The kind of frustration that makes one consider putting their fist through a window, or eat a whole chocolate cake in one sitting (maybe that last one is depression..lol)!!!

The reason why I'm so angry and frustrated....

...I don't know what some people want from me! I just feel like throwing myself off a 2 story building some days! How can I be what is asked of me??? How can I compare to someone who's kept in a mind??? I just want to be me, ok!? I want to live life, I want to share it with people, i want to feel like I can direct my life under God without condemnation...and I'm feeling really condemned right now...and JUDGED!!! Nearly for no reason! At least I can't see why I'm put in this little box you try to fit me into!! It poses so many crazy questions in my head, and makes me doubt who I am...that I am even worth anything! My self-esteem goes out the window, and I feel like giving up who I am to be who you want me to be! But, if I were to do that...would you really get what you want??? Or do you think maybe I wouldn't be who you want me to be anyway??? If I gave up myself, what good do you think it would do??? I can't see it doing any good anymore...I just want to be who Jesus has called me to be, who I am happy becoming in Him, from what I see the Bible calling me to be! That's all I want. Is that too hard to ask of anyone!? I feel like it's the biggest request on earth to you!!!

That's all I have to say.

Thanks for reading.... (I know it doesn't make much sense, but that's ok).