Singing for Heaven...

I have really been amazed that I have continued these blogs like I have been! With all that's going on, and the day-to-day events...sometimes I feel like this week's been a month.

I didn't sleep much last night, probably 2 hours at most (and that was spread apart, 2-3 & 6-7am). But that's ok with me, because I wasn't tired...and me not sleeping means that others are!
That's really important, because otherwise they wouldn't be functional for taking care of things in the daytime. The needs daily are greater than those nightly. Another reason for my "un-sleep" is that Grandma has started breathing erratically...yesterday that started, and went all through the night. I just wanted someone to hear if she couldn't breathe and needed oxygen,

Today was an "ok" day for all of us. Some tears, some smiles, some laughter, some sing...with family and friends. Grandma has been sleeping for the last couple days, all day long. Her body is giving out, and everyday is new adventures for those of us who are helping to care for her. She can't really swallow anymore, and what she does consume (water, Tylenol, etc.) comes back up. She was able to keep down medicine yesterday, but that all changed today.

It's so hard to wait, and wait, and wait. To pray to the Lord for Him to take her home, and waiting on Him for that mercy. It was sweet of the elders from Bellevue and Dave Shaner to come and spend some time truly ministering to grandma's heart. They prayed over her (each of them took turns), then they shared how they loved her, they sang some (mom and I joined in... and grandma tried, in her minimal strength), and they read to her from God's Word. I'm very grateful for their merciful act of love in coming here to be with us for a little while. I think we as Christians should do more of that kind of "loving" than most of what we do...that goes for me too! People are the most important thing to God, and they were to Jesus when he was on earth. They need to be our "time" and our "importance", too. This is certainly something that I learned from watching my grandma's life. She loved people with much tenacity! :)

We really have been trying our best to cherish each moment that we have in a day right now. Grandma doesn't have that long left with us. She has moments of cognitive response... but for the most part, she is "out of it". Andy and Robin have been here almost every day this last week, Lani has been spending the night every night and caring for grandma during those hours, along with me. The rest of this household is trying to just manage daily stresses and cares, including feeding ourselves and resting well. It's amazing how much strength the Lord gives you when you don't trust your own strength. I guess that's the way it works anyway.

It's hard for me to understand myself. I'm pushing through like I always do, and doing it fairly well (most of us are doing the same)...but I feel like my emotions are on "hold". I cried so much on Sunday...probably for many reasons. But, since then, it's like a wall. I guess my time will come when the floodgates will be released and the water will come forth...but until then, I'm just doing what is needed.

For those of you who are reading this. I will blog to let you know when grandma passes. I will also leave the itinerary for the memorial service on here, so that you will know when and where that is happening. I certainly know the "where" (Bellevue C. of C.), but as to the "when"...only the Lord knows that one!

Thank you for your love, and know that we love you back!