Summer Sentimentals

Since the beginning of what was actually considered "Summer Break", I have felt this present sense of lacking. Maybe it's because I am still in Lubbock (and everyone else isn't, except for a few)...but I really think it may be more than that. As some of you readers may know (really, only 2 of you read this probably)...I have struggled with healing from certain aspects of my growing up years, with the help of a counselor. Well, things with that have been going well. But as I continue, I have found that my emotions are more like skin that has been peeled back and left raw for a time. All the nerves are exposed, and I am in pain...and driven to high emotions and tears! That is how I am right now, about so many things...almost as if I cannot deal with even the little things without them bringing up some thought of the past. I feel like my mind needs to go on vacation with my heart...to the beautiful island of NoWhere! :) In fact, I seem to be taking so many things personally...almost as if I feel people can tell how uncomfortable I feel within my own skin. Even though most people with whom I have contact in a day can't see into my heart...I feel like it shows on my face (which I've been told is very possible with me).

In the last week, I have been finishing up my job working for Cyd (the rent house owner). Today I will (hopefully) get all the cleaning accomplished, and be done! Then the next 3 days of my life will be consumed with trying to pack and clean my own world and move out of my apartment by the 1st of July. We have decided (as an apartment) for me to do that, so that we can get half rent for this month. Ashley (our friend in the complex, from Sunset) has given me permission to live with her for the two weeks until Alex and I leave for our trip to Seattle. Her letting me stay is such a blessing! Last night I had a huge "cry session", and that's when she came over to tell me that I could stay with her. I'm sure that I looked all red-eyed and wiped out...but she was very sweet and understanding, which I appreciated. Alex has also tried his best to be understanding as well, and to comfort me with words and love. I have just felt so far out of my comfort zone with all the change that I'm trying to accomplish right now, and with the changes that are happening inside my heart and mind. I know God is at the center of it all, working His wonderful healing and transformation...but it's still hard. I'm just so thankful that He has placed so many amazing people in my life...to be there for me through this process, so that I'm not "alone". He is so good!