Talks with Betty...

One of the people in this old world I'm most thankful for is Betty Tracy, the current Dean of Women @ SIBI... and before that, worker in the SIBI financial office (where I first came to love her!). This woman knows this little heart of mine so well sometimes, it's ridiculously scary! I went into her office this morning after the last AIM Chapel to talk with her for a "minute". I knew things were on my heart, but I didn't know how to get them from there to out in the open. For several days now I have just wanted to sit and cry with her, and God provided that for me today. She tends to say things that make a difficult situation easier for me to handle, and the Lord uses her to put things in a way that I can grasp my mind around them... so that I can let myself breathe a little more. She has a gift for loving people. Well, something she said today made a lot of sense once it hit my ears...

...I had been wondering why this last week has been so hard for me, why I was feeling so frustrated (along with many other emotions)...

...She said, "Jessica, don't try to fix this!"

What!? Wow...It was like a lightbulb moment for me. Because that's exactly what I have been trying to do, in my "Just Be Ok" syndrome. I want to make myself "ok", to just move on, to be "cheery" for people who are happy to see me back here at school again. But, inside, I'm screaming for space and time to do what I need to in processing the loss of my grandma here on earth. To be honest, I don't know how to do that! So, I'm just trying to control myself. And...well...that's not working too well.

So, please be praying that I can allow myself to feel what I need to...and that I can find a healthy pace in this time of my life. I love each of you, and thank the Lord for you daily!