Oh my...Realizations.

I guess I never really realized how much being in a "relationship" changes you. Not that I was unaware of oblivious to the fact that people DO change when they are around someone constantly. We do change...whether it's for the better or for worse, we're always going a direction. But, I have come to see that it takes a lot of work. Not just to grow and change yourself...but to grow in the midst of another person's environment. And to help them grow as well...because you are not an island unto yourself. This may sound silly...but in order to truly LOVE that other person, you have GOT to do some changing! It's crazy how you grow and change and adapt when you are working to live with this person for the rest of your life!

I have said and done some pretty hurtful things, and some good things (of course)...but I wish I could take back the hurtful things. It's always so surprising to me the capability we humans have to either produce growth in someone, or take it away. Yes, we may give another person the "right" to ultimately affect us (for life, or not). But, we do hurt each other! I hate this aspect of the "fall". I know that I break God's heart too when I hurt someone or degrade them in some way...because that other person is part of Him, and a very beautiful creation!

I want to do better! I'm seeking to do better. I'm trying to grow myself and and push myself to be more like Jesus. I don't want to do things without knowledge...and I think sometimes I do things without "knowing" I have done them. Like, I will react a certain way because of something that happened SO MANY years ago...and yet it causes a reaction in me that is so strong! Almost like I have been "re-hurt"...and I act from that hurt. I just keep praying and asking God to heal and grow me from the place I am...to bring all the fractions of my personality under His reign.

Whoever reads this...thanks for taking the time to read, you didn't have to! :) It's nice to just be able to type and feel like it's going out into the "wild blue yonder."