Because of His Amazing Love!

I realized something about myself yesterday...and that is, that I don't really understand the Cross! That may be a shocker to some of you who will read this. That I can be a student of God's Word, one who has gone to the field, and who desires to live a life that reflects the love seen in Christ. But, it's true. Now... I understand the "ins and outs" of why Jesus came to earth, why he lived as he did, why he died, and why he rose again! The "bible school" answer, some might say. But, I must admit that it still has a hard time penetrating my heart some days. The more I study the "whys", the better I understand it though! The more I'm convicted of my own (daily) need for the Blood, and for it's cleansing power. It's ability to cover it all!

I'm not perfect...(*gasp!*)...really and truly! I'll be the first to admit that fact! I'm so far from it, actually. But, IN Him, I'm made perfect...because of His amazing life and sacrificial love that sent Him to the Cross. I may not understand it, in logical "human" terms. (Some days I really hate having a small brain!) I don't get how the God of the Universe, all we see (and that which we don't), wants to have a relationship with me...a fallible creature, with a heart that wavers. I often get things "wrong" and can't commit as faithfully as He can--I can't even make up my mind as to what I want some days! But, He's so faithful and patient...something I will never understand! How can He love me SO much!? So much so that He chose to take responsibility for the sins that I've done (past, present, & future)!?? That doesn't make sense to this girl who usually only knows how to "earn" favor...not accept it without payment. God's grace and mercy doesn't make sense, because compared to His holiness, I am nothing. Nothing, yet everything! Everything, because God said I am, in Jesus!

As I continue to discover myself (this 23 year old girl)... the more I have realized the stark amount of faulty thinking that I've allowed in my life, or have just picked up on the journey. I've realized a lot of the lies in my life! They have been pointed out from reading God's Word, and from reading two particularly good books-- 1) Changes that Heal (Dr. Cloud), and 2) Habits of the Mind (Dr. Hart). Both have helped for me to realize unhealthy patterns of thinking and being, and have helped me to become more aware of why I act the way I do & say the things I do! It's so very hard to first become aware of imperfections... but then, secondly, do deal with them! Working through things that have been such a part of my person (especially the characteristics I hate) has been a real task & a half! :)

I'm so grateful that God doesn't give up on me! Even though there are some days that my heart feels like He should ban me from Himself, I'm overjoyed that He doesn't! I may never fully grasp why He loves me so dearly...but I wouldn't ask for it to be any other way! In all honesty, I would die if I lost Him or if He left me. But, I'm so glad I don't have to think about that! Because not only does He care about my overall welfare (mainly spiritual), but He has already set up for me (and the rest of the world) to be saved from eternal separation from Him and pain! What an amazing gift, indeed!!! All He asks of me is a heart fully committed to following Him... through the easy and the difficult days. I know I won't always be perfect at it...but I'm thankful that Jesus is! Because through Him I'm made perfect!