Overload

I've decided that being counseled has become for me like removing my teeth without any pain killers. (Um...or maybe that's what I'm already doing on my own!?)

I went to a new counselor today. Mrs. Terri took me, and was my "mama bear" for the afternoon. I was so grateful for her "hand to hold"...because as calm as I wanted to "appear", I was sick inside. I just don't want to have to repeat painful things in the view of growth...but I guess that's how I have to do it. Not that I am afraid of doing that. No, no I'm not... I'm just really, really tired!!! I don't have much energy to trudge through the past right now. And right now, when I do...I usually end up crying (which I didn't do today, because something switched off in me)! I had Terri there, and I still didn't feel "safe". Maybe because I am scared, and just don't want to think I am...or for others to think I am??? There's a thought... maybe I am lying to myself, about myself, and how I really react to things??? Interesting. But how am I doing that???...that's the question. Anyhow...going to talk with him should be better than putting my "car in neutral, then pressing on the gas" all the time, like I've been doing.

Please pray for me...that I can allow God to do the work, and that I will be brave enough to let Him in. I want Him in...I just have areas that I don't know how to give Him yet. Silly me... trying to protect God from myself!!! ---I'm just wearing my poor little self out.